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The Range Rover test track in Bowie, MD is private property and requires permission of Range Rover for use. It's owners are considering closing it due to the recklessness of a few individuals. SO ALWAYS REMEMBER TO TREAD LIGHTLY!
Off Camber Clan (OCC) trip #6 "Bowie evening o' fun run" 6/25/96 Tues @ 610p-850p or so.
Vehicles Names
87 Black Sammy 32x11.5 Randy Gobleck (alias "The COW" as he loves watering
holes. Pulls in, drinks, and gets tugged out.)
95 Red GMC Sonoma ZR2 Chuck Conway (Pulls "The COW" out of watering holes.)
94 Blue Wrangler Paul Nichele (nice Italian name. Aint it?)
92 Grey Wrangler Chris Fairchild (quite a guy, don't think I heard him on
the cb once.)
73 Bright blue CJ-5 John Burden (alias "The PIG" as he loves mud holes!
Pulls in, wallows around forever, and then on to the
next. He really needs to paint his jeep PINK and put
a snout on it.)
96 Grey&Red Dodge Ram John Donovan (alias "ROOT EATER". as his dodge loves
to chew on tree roots. (for those who weren't there.)
93 Blue Ford Ranger Chad Ludwig (who was a "wanna-be-there" but had to
have a nice dinner with friends.)
no vehicle Chris Hunt (roaming passenger, scout, trail guide,
advisor, man-o-wisdom, navigator, etc., etc.)
no vehicle Mike Moran (Take charge kinda guy. Get that man a
mega-phone and a directors chair.)
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Well once again we met up in the parking lot at Giant. I pulled into the Mobil to gas
up and every one seemed to be right there. John D. pulled in behind me and Paul and Chuck
were on the other side of the pumps. 
Chuck and Paul had come down from Philly, PA area and it only took them 2
hours. (Well weren't they just the law abiding citizens doing 55.) They arrived around
3:30p and had already been in the fields playing and rescuing some unknown.
They just came back to gas up. I'm not so sure they intended to wait for us as much as we caught them by surprise at the Mobil. [From Chuck: This deserves more description - there was a Cherokee stuck in the mud at the bottom of a valley. Big time stuck - hard against a tree on the right, they dug out the wheels enough to put the frame, and both axles solidly on the ground. I drove around the XJ, big time off-camber, and hooked up a strap to pull him forward. Unfortunately, the mud in front of me was deeper than I thought. I pulled the XJ out and got jammed up in the mud. The guy in the XJ said "I'll pull you out". He tried, and deposited himself halfway back in the hole that I pulled him from. Paul Nichele's YJ was still on dry land. I abandoned my truck, and we concentrated on using the YJ and a strap to pull out the XJ. Once the XJ was freed up, Paul used his winch to pull me through 20 yards of "slicker than goose poop" mud onto dry ground. ]
Well we dragged them off to the lot in front of the Giant to sit patiently and wait as
we met Chris Fairchild, Chris Hunt and waited for Mike Moran to return. Chatted for a bit
to see who we could trust to pull us out. That male bonding ritual thing. you know...
"The PIG" took the lead and off we went down the road, into the fields and
"through the woods to Grandmother's House"... Oops wrong story. 
Everyone just seemed to fly through
the "beast" (mud hole) that took hours from our lives on the last outing (#5).
Being gun shy I didn't follow and went off to the left again to play in the deep rutted
path that leaves you one wheel short of solid ground contact.
For all the rain we've had it was quite dry and non-slick that night. I think we headed
off to the double water troughs next, alias "The Canal". Always a nice challenge
for the jeeps. Of course PIG was eager to get muddied and in he went. This animal just
loves to show off his lockers and four rooster tails were soon to mist up the air and
anything else that stood to close. I don't even think he made it look challenging, just
fun. After the line of vehicles stirred around a bit someone went next to see how they'd
do. I guess the most hesitant was me who didn't go at all. Actually I wasn't hesitant
either; I knew from the beginning that I damn well wasn't going. Everyone else made it
through at least the 1st of the 2 water holes. Chuck went in and through fairly easily (if
I remember correctly) which brought on Chris F. and then Paul. He had a little problem but
dragged himself through. 
And
last was the ever so hesitant (don't know why?) John D. in his nice new $30,000 96 Ram
with under 5k miles on it. Man talk about what a long wheel base vehicle can do at the
right moment. This man was in all his glory. Even though he'd been pulling 5 point turns
all the way through the forest to get to this point, THIS WAS HIS MOMENT... He went
through with such ease, I think he thought he missed it. We're talking unfazed. (Secretly,
unbeknownst (is that a word?) to us, His truck had begun it's hunger for roots and was
chewing them, under the water, out of sight.)
Next I was dying to see how bad my lockers would do on this hill that I was stuck on before when I didn't have them. So I sped off down the hill to loop my way around to the dreaded rooted monster. (Ok, ok, it's just another hill.) Well I guess sped isn't the word, after I hit the 1st of three mud holes. Worked my way back and forth through the 1st. Then the 2nd and almost didn't make the 3rd. I was like thinking, "Sh+t, I'm not even going to make it to the Dreaded Rooted Monster." (I really like the sound of that!)" Finally pulled myself out of the 3rd hole, but backed right into the 2nd again. "Sheeze, GET ME OUT OF HERE" I screamed.. And it worked. Finally I was facing the Rooted Monster. Didn't make it.. Oh Well! Off to the next trail. You know I remember how when I first meet Mike M., I kept Mocking him about how he seemed to do worse with lockers. Maybe I should have listened to myself back then. Once again. Oh well!
Moral: Skip lockers, skip gears, skip skid plates, skip trusses. 4 WHEEL NAKED (stock that is) and save yourself all that time and money.
Seriously the Trusses seem to hang me up a LOT more. Before (trusses) the tires cut or follow the track and the center diff scrapes a small path through the mud. Now I've got the truss that makes the entire axle even with the bottom of the center diff. so I've got to push a wall of mud the entire way to get through. I can't just utilize the center diff. path of the previous vehicle. On the other hand I tend to be vary reckless and love to get air born. So they do help support the axle during jumps and protect when I smack/land on things. Everything has tradeoffs, I guess. I don't like the mud anyway, so there. And I like it even less now that I can't move through it.
Lesson learned, Now where was I??? Ah yes, So down the next hill under the commands of Mike we went. I don't think anyone had any trouble. It kinda had a good tilt toward one tree that made you worry a little about the roof top. But not enough to deserve it's own name. Not yet. Maybe next time...
Then, as we crested a small hill, "THE PIGS" eyes lit up like a cheap juke box, as he spotted the next watering hole. In she went. And I mean In, as in down not forward. The PIG's exhaust SNORTED and it's lungs GRUNTED as it THRASHED all about. Mud was flying everywhere.
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Bugs scattered from the trees as the 4 mud roosters reached out to grab them. Water
spiders were riding toward shore on the waves of the sudden surf. The PIG was in trouble
and we all knew it! But how could we help? It thrashed back and forth, again and again...
John B. disappeared as the entire jeep (John included) turned wet with an olive drab
coating. He finally conceded that he needed the windshield wipers and so on they went.
Much to his dismay they didn't work very well. Only to find out later he needs to install
them on the inside also. Finally the PIG broke loose and out she popped. 
Teeth and Raccoon eyes were the only
white you could see once JB took off his glasses. He was both HAPPY and PROUD and it
showed. She (THE PIG) finally felt at home. John's CJ5 earning his nickname! Now we know
why the Army chose Olive Drab.
Next it was time to feed John D.'s some more roots, so off to the next water hole we went. It was an easy in, sort of deal, but slick and steep on the other end. I think 3 (Chris F., Paul, and Chuck) made it through and then came BIG John D. His front left tire got greedy for traction and grabbed hold of a root between the tire and rim. He'd gotten out, but sacrificed an aired down friend in doing so. So as we waited for him to change to his spare; I decided to try the deeper of the 3 holes, much to the Commander's (mm) protest. It felt like I kneeled down as I went in with the front tires and then in came the rear. Then I just screamed "GET ME THE HELL OUT BEFORE I FILL WITH WATER!!" I've really got to learn to listen to people.
[From Chuck: I didn't do this water hole -- the damage that was done to the Dodge's tire put me off a little, because I knew we had a 2+ hour drive home. I hung out and watched I amazement as Randy tried the water hole to the left of the tire eating hole. It was deeeeeep, and Randy only got about 10 feet before the MOOo-Zuki ground -literally - to a halt. The Commander (mm) guided me backwards through some trees, and lined me up to pull the swimming/sinking Sammy out of the water. He's got a killer looking rear bumper on that thing. ]
Off to the next water hole. I think the 1st three vehicles went around it and then Chuck decided to play with us and pretend he was stuck in it. So, Ok, Ok, We'll play along, and we pulled him out. Then I must have been getting gun shy after seeing Chuck was really stuck, but finally decide to go through. It was easier for me in a short wheel base and I crawled right through.
[From Chuck: I drove almost all the way through the hole, and as I got to the exit, I got pushed to the right, and laid the whole right side of the truck firmly against the bank. I probably could have bulled my way out, but not without body damage. I took the inex$pensive way - John Donovan in the Ram was right in front of me, so I politely requested a tow. I also figured it was better to "Tread Lightly" and get pulled out gently. ]
We thought we were on our way, When; from deep in the woods; came such a sound; It was THE PIG! She was in trouble! It's teeth were grinding as the starter motor wouldn't let go of the flywheel. John B. himself had to come out, pop the hood and choke THE PIG, to stop it from running. After a slight short, was bypassed we were off again. It was sad seeing THE PIG passing up a mud hole; But alas, it was not meant to be, for she was injured.
Out we went to the fields to rescue another unknown. [From Chuck: 2 Naval Academy Cadets, in a stock F-150 4x4, skinny tires. Stuck in gumbo sticky deep oozing mud at a low point in a big field. If we hadn't been there, they would've never gotten the truck out.
I wanted to yank them out from the front, but the majority of the group wanted to break the rear bumper as Chad L. had done the week before to Dave ???? in the very same mud hole. So it was decided, Break the rear bumper!, it is. Well the unknown was freed and released to stick themselves else where and we were headed out for the night. THE PIG once again passed on the last mud hole as she limped her way home to rest. And every one went home happily ever after.
(As I put the pictures with the text, I clearly notice how Chuck's red ZR2 is in all the best pictures; Framed real nice, good lighting, nice composition. Of course, I'm sure he'll say the truck is what makes those pictures so good.)
Please note this disclaimer: The tale you just read was enhanced through embellishment and/or exaggeration, to draw it's reader into a fantasy world of make believe; So that those who could not make it there or those who rarely get to go, can picture themselves riding along in their dreams. This is not necessarily an account of actually events but a fictional story of an evening viewed by an individual who is on heavy medication.
The Range Rover test track in Bowie, MD is private property and requires permission of Range Rover for use. It's owners are considering closing it due to the recklessness of a few individuals. SO ALWAYS REMEMBER TO TREAD LIGHTLY!
UPDATE 4-16-97
IT IS NOW CLOSED FOR ALL MOTORIZE USE AND ALL TRESPASSERS WILL BE PROSECUTED. This is the unfortunate result of the few who don't respect and follow Tread Lightly guidelines.
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