April 1998 Campfire Tales

by Larry Heck of

PASS PATROL

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Trails of the Ancient Ones

"Thar's lots uh snow in them thar hills!" We had tried to get into Beef Basin from three different directions with no success. Every time we got above 9,000 feet, we were pushing snow and mud with our bumpers. Of course we could have gone in through Canyonlands Park but that would have cost us $10 each and no one had any change. You know how us high rollers are. We don't carry nothin' smaller than a C-note. If you believe that one, I've got a nice lot in Canyonlands overlooking the Confluence of the Colorado River and the Green River that I could let you have for a song. Well, maybe not a song. You probably can't sing anyway. But a real good price. Just enough for me to get out of the country after the sale.

Our Trails of the Ancient Ones trip started with a day in Arch Canyon. Except for a lack of sunshine, the day went very well. A few of the vehicles received minor damage as expected. One bent bumper and some underside scratches and dents were the most common.

Since we already knew we couldn't get over the mountain to Beef Basin, we circled around and came down from Hotel Rock instead of going uphill to it. That proved to be quite a challenge for the stock vehicles. Happy Jack parked at the top of one hill and winched us up using his Warn 9000i. Once again, a few vehicles received some dents and scratches getting through.

The next day began about noon after everyone showered. We headed off for Dugout Ranch. There are three different routes that can be used to get to Beef Basin from Dugout Ranch but all three where snowed in. At the top of one mountain, we were in bumper-deep snow in the middle of a blizzard. We gave up getting to the top and headed for lower ground. On Friday, we took the Lockhart Basin trail to Chicken Corners, then on to Moab. It was a pleasant trip that included some terrific BLM campsites and lots of campfire tales.

Glen Canyon Recreation Road 262

I'll tell you a secret if you promise not to tell anyone else. Okay? Remember, you can't tell anyone, not even your favorite ViroNazi. We drove on that road. Yup! We sure did. All the way to the end and back … and it was fun too!

Normally, it would be no big deal to drive on a Recreation Road within the Glen Canyon National Recreation Area. Fact is, we didn't think it was any big deal last year when we said we were gonna do it, but some ViroNazis turned it into a real whopper of deal. They called the BLM … not just the local office … they called the Regional office. They demanded that Pass Patrol be stopped from driving on that road. When they didn't get enough of a response from the BLM, they called the newspapers and TV stations in Salt Lake trying to get support for a demonstration against us. Since I know a few people in the media business, that's when I found out there was a whole gang of ViroNazis gunning for my little band of desperadoes.

As it turned out, we took one look at the road last year and decided we needed some more extreme machines. Well, actually it was some of the folks with me that decided that. I already had my Trooper half way across Little Valley Canyon before I found out we weren't going. I turned around and went back to camp where the group was talking about that crazy Outlaw down there in the canyon. By the time dinner was done, the decision was made to go somewhere else.

When I got back to the Front Range and told the Wild Bunch I found a road that would exercise their toys, they began to develop an interest. Since it takes several months of hard labor to get their toys running, we needed all the time we could get. Caveman crawled under his Jeep about the first of December and only came out when the dinner bell was ringing. Luckily, he got his toy running in time for a March deadline.

Texin had all kinds of parts that needed to be realigned or reconnected from last year's trip so he devoted all his spare time to getting ready.

As for me, I put the word on the Internet that we were going just like last year. Only this time, I put in the wrong dates just in case the ViroNazis were gonna be gunning for us again. Sure enough, I got all kinds of suspicious requests for our exact schedule but my standard response was, "When you join the club, you get the schedule." I figured no self-respecting ViroNazi would pay hard cash for a membership into a 4X4 club and my plan worked. We ended up with a group of folks who wanted nothing more than to just have a pleasant week in the desert.

We planned to meet at a top secret undisclosed backcountry hideout near Escalante. Fact is, the location was so secret, none of us could find it so we just met at the gas station instead.

The next morning, we headed up Collett Canyon and I'll be a sidewinder's uncle if we didn't break a tranny in a Jeep just doing that. After that, the darn thing wouldn't run in any gear except third. Third gear low-range was a little fast on the trail, and Third gear high-range was a little slow on the highway. Ain't no doubt, some days a fella just cain't win even if nobody else is playing the game.

We put that third gear Jeep out front so he could do whatever was necessary to get down the road while the rest of us poked along at a casual pace. A few miles from the intersection for Rec Road 262, we all went into stealth mode so we would be invisible to any ViroNazis in the area.

The Wild Bunch was a little surprised when they saw Little Valley Canyon. Until they saw it, they were sure I had exaggerated, but I never do that. There is always a spark of truth in everything I say.

It took about three hours to get the modified vehicles across and by that time, the day was over. We made two camps. One on each side of the Canyon. The next morning, we decided it would be quicker if the rest of the group just walked across the canyon and rode with the vehicles that were already across. Otherwise, it might take us all day to get the stock vehicles over there.

We piled into the modified trucks and headed across country. The road we were on had not seen a vehicle in years, yet the road was well defined. ATVs and motorcycles had used it within the past year, but nothing larger.

We arrived at the end of Grand Bench in time for lunch. The scenery at that point is simply magnificent. There are no words to describe it. Lake Powell winds in and out of unique land formations contrasting with the deep-blue water against a rusty red background of rock and soil.

On the way back, we explored the two side roads. The first one to the left is Recreation Road 279. The second one has no number but it is very well defined. There are some washouts along the way requiring a careful pace. There was one washout that Happy Jack slipped off in, and another washout where Caveman got too many wheels off the ground at the same time but nothing was damaged.

Several members of the group skipped the second road and headed back to camp simply because the sun was gone and they didn't like the idea of driving that road after dark. Caveman, Texin, Trail Scout, and I headed in. Unfortunately, Texin ran out of gas before we got back out. Caveman and I went back to camp for more fuel. By the time all of us returned to camp, the midnight bell was ringing.

It's not hard to find Recreation Road 262. It's on the Glen Canyon National Recreation Area map that is handed to everyone who enters the park. Write to Superintendent, Glen Canyon National Recreation Area, P.O. Box 1507, Page, AZ 86040-1507.

WHAT HAPPENED TO TRIGGER?

Folks often ask me about Trigger. Seems that vehicle has become somewhat of a legend. Well, Trigger is still showing off. A few weeks ago he was seen crossing a river down in Mexico while doing a pre-run for a coming press event. The water was so deep, it was splashing against the driver's side window and during the crossing, Trigger floated about fifty yards down stream before climbing a sandy embankment to get out the other side much to the delight of the locals.

CANYONLANDS IS GETTING DOWNRIGHT UNFRIENDLY

Just in case you are going to Canyonlands, there are a few things you should know. First of all campfires are prohibited. That means you better have a whole bunch of heavy coats if you intend to camp there on a chilly night. Secondly, it costs $10 just to drive in. Thirdly, no pets are allowed anywhere except the paved roads … not even in the vehicle. And finally, they only give out a limited number of passes each day to get on several of their 4X4 trails so you just may not get to do what you went there for. If you go with more than one vehicle, the odds are you will not get the whole group in.

WHERE'S THAT VOLUME SEVEN BOOK?

I appreciate all the calls and letters from those of you who would like to have Volume Seven, but it just ain't ready. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like I'm going to get to it until about November. Maybe we can have it ready in time for Christmas.

Zipper/zena Gets Dressed

My wife and I have a running argument going on and I can't tell if I'm winning. She says my Bronco II is named Zena and I say its Zipper. I put this winch mount on the front and made the claim that Zipper has new armor. She says Zena has a new bra. Now I gotta admit, the last time I saw the TV Zena, that gal had some mighty impressive armor in the shape of a bra. I think I lost that argument.

So then I put on a set of 30x9.50 BF Goodrich All Terrain Radials and made the claim that Zipper now has some trail-eating traction. My wife says Zena has nice legs. Now … how's a fella supposed to argue with a statement like that!

Silver or Flash?

Seems like I just can't get anything right any more. After I decided to name this Rodeo, Silver, I was reminded that Boss already had a vehicle named Silver. Vehicle names are like CB handles, Ain't supposed to be two of the same thing. Somebody suggested I name it Flash just cause they couldn't catch it going up Vail Pass. Another fella agreed that was a good name cause Roscoe on the Dukes of Hazzard had a dog named Flash and after all, I did kinda run off with the vehicle without paying for it. Huh?

In the meantime, I figured a set of Warn lights would look nice on Flash or whatever its name is. I used the same ones I had on Trigger last year and mounted them on the front bar of the luggage rack. Didn't even need a light bar. There are two flood lights, one on each end and four spot lights in the middle. Six hundred watts of Warn Sunshine. Now all I gotta do is plug'um in somewhere.

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